It's been quite some time since I last blogged. I have been having some thoughts to get out of my head and heart and figured I would polish off the blog and release my expressions into the world. I also have to pack, and if there is a way for me to procrastinate packing, I will find it. This last year has been quite an experience. Last July I moved to Tacoma, Washington to join a L'Arche community and share life with its members. Shortly after arriving I received news my step father was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and it had spread. Being very close to my family, I asked for a release from my commitment to be with my family. By the end of July I was back home in Lewisville. Just being gone a month one might think I didn't miss that much, but the truth is I missed my favorite week of the year, SEEK Camp! I had tried to schedule my departure otherwise, but it was inevitable I would miss camp once since I was committing to a year of service in L'Arche.
For those that don't know SEEK Camp is a camp for young adults with special needs. I first attended SEEK in 2001 and have enjoyed 8 camps since then. For us counselors at camp it is a very special time and we have formed deep and meaningful friendships amongst each other and with the campers as well. I hated that I would miss camp. I imagined missing birthday dinners and some holidays, but SEEK was one of the toughest events for me to realize I would miss. As I reflect on my experiences at camp I can see how I have matured over the years.
So, back to the procrastination, THIS is the day we leave for SEEK camp. The calendar year has turned. My family's first full year of grieving Mike, my step dad, is coming to a close. It's crazy to think how different my life is than when I left and even what I imagined it might be like when I returned home from Tacoma. That alone is worth a whole blog post in itself. As camp has approached, a child like excitement and anticipation has built up for me. I am looking forward to the activities we will do and the laughter that is sure to be had. But I think what I am most looking forward to is the opportunity to connect with counselors and campers alike. At camp, we tend to let our guards down. Truth be told, I think the campers begin this process and counselors follow suit, knowing that we will be loved and accepted. I think back to this past year, and how many times I have been wrapped and overwhelmed in grief, perhaps in the middle of a Friday night while waiting tables in a busy restaurant. I had to keep those feelings inside. I think back to how many times people asked me how I was doing and because I didn't want to seem overly emotionally, a simple "Good" was my answer. I think about how even within my own family I have struggled to have meaningful talks about Mike as the year has passed. I hope that everyone knows that most of the time I am honestly doing pretty well, but like everyone I have my moments of grief and struggle with loss.
One of the beautiful things about SEEK Camp is that the experiences and lessons I learn there bleed over into my life in the other 51 weeks of the year. So as I look forward to letting my guard down, maybe its time I start doing that more in my everyday life. Perhaps the coolest part of all this? Mike loved to hear my stories from SEEK Camp. I feel as it is the greatest source of pride he has for me. Not because of all that I do or say, but because who it allows me to become. I gotta get going, time to pack and get to SEEK Camp.
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